Friday, March 29, 2013

Refocusing


Hello! It's been way too long!

It's actually been about a month and a half since my last post and I can honestly say, I miss this. I got so caught up in my hectic life I forgot to live. For the last month or so, my life has consisted of work, work number 2, working out, meal preparation, eating/sleeping. I combine the last two because those were very much so after thoughts. Although I am quite happy with the results this working out and meal preparation has done for me, the side effects of working 70 hour weeks are not so great. I wandered around my apartment a couple days and almost had a full blown anxiety attack at how messy it was (and still is for honesty sake). Wtf happened in here?! What is this shit all over my floor, counters, desk, and table?! It took me about a half of a millisecond to realize what happened in my sacred sleeping quarters. Life happened.

I have been so over consumed with the busyness my life has created that I literally have forgotten the most important little things that make my life so uniquely beautiful. Like a clean house, fluffy cool pillows to lay my weary head down on and enjoy a nice spring morning waking only to the sweet songs of the feathered creatures fluttering outside my windows, a quality page turner with an almost too soft to be real blanket and a hot cup of my favorite tea to get lost in, or this blog! My writing! It's been no where to be found. My day to day thoughts lost in the fleeting moments of "I'm busy". Damn my current priorities.

I'm in need of a shift. A shift back to the life that made me simply smile softly with the thought of how perfectly happy I was with my life. A shift back to when I had a hold on my goals and dreams and was taking small but continuous steps in the direction I needed to go. A shift back to a time when I was constantly self-checking, soul-searching, and mind/heart expressing on a moment to moment basis, simply so that I could enjoy every breath I was taking to the utmost fullest. Back to a time when I was living and loving my way through my life, not working, sweating, and complaining my way through it. Not that I'm not working or sweating when I'm living and loving because I most definitely am, but instead of complaining, I need to be smiling.

Happiness is a perspective. I made a promise to myself a while back to never lose sight of what happiness is, and as you would have it, I've lost it for a while. The good thing is a small dose of some fascinating poetry is all I ever need to refocus, which I had the wonderful opportunity to experience at Mic & Dim Lights in Pomona, Ca last night (if any of you are around that area, I strongly suggest you check it out one of these days).

So as I sit here and try to refocus my life to the better days of loving life, pursuing knowledge, watching intently, dancing freely, writing sincerely, and letting the music move my soul; I am renewing my promise of living life with a purpose. A purpose that no matter my current situation, happiness is just a perspective shift away.