Silver Lining

Silver lining: the shimmer of light dancing beautifully in the midst of shadows. Too captivated with its own sparkle to fear the darkness encompassing its space. Recognize without opacity, it wouldn’t be. In order for there to be light, there has to be dark. In order for existence, there had to be none. Life without death couldn’t be, and death brings life its gift. Duality, and the beauty of it. Each interaction is an expression of your wholeness. Understand the dream and see it as an opportunity. Roses are no longer divinely scented flowers scorned with piercing thorns. They are opportunities; opportunities to appreciate your sense of smell, your eyesight, and most importantly your ability to bleed. Because without your ability to bleed, you wouldn’t be alive. We so often label pain as something to escape, but try to understand the power of its embrace. Just let it be.... If you can do that, you allow the creative power inside you to revolutionize your suffering into something truly magnificent. It is a revolution, I must say. Choosing to transform struggle into triumph is truly a radical feat. Choice presents you with the freedom to create. A diamond isn’t made without pressure, and coffee isn’t made without boiling water. The art of coffee is the transformation of pain, and the value of diamonds is priceless. So go boldly into the darkness. Your light was made to pierce through it. And always remember, there would be no silver lining, without the clouds. Without clouds, there would be no rain. And rain brings something nothing else can, life. So go live yours. 

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. This is what life is all about... giving thanks. Today couldn't come at a better time of year. Most of us are behind our goals for the year or preparing for a stressful couple of months ahead. We so easily can get distracted by the stress and sometimes the discouragement that life seems to throw our way. And then Thursday comes, the last Thursday in November, and we're smacked in the face with all the things we tend to ignore about our lives. "Oh hey there! Remember us?! We still exist in your life!!" All of your life's blessings are waiting to be recognized and appreciated. Hopefully the day of thanks is just that. A day, a full 24 hour day, to stop and be grateful for all the beauty in your life, all the love that fills your heart, and all the laughter that fills your soul. And I hope even more that this serves as a beginning of a new habit. Giving thanks doesn't have to be a once a year type of thing. It most definitely can be a habit that's incorporated into a life worth living. Being thankful, living in gratitude, is the key to a beautiful life. And I must say that I am so very thankful for this beautiful life ❤️

Humans Pt 1

Humans. We. are. humans. We all are humans. We tend to forget the all piece more often than we would all like to admit. I can’t really blame us either… with the countless amount of isms running around classifying us in this category or that category. 

“I’m American, so that puts me in this category” 

“I’m a ‘senior’ that puts me in that category” 

“I’m nerdy, so that puts me in this category way over here” 

“I’m gay, I’m black. I’m a man. I’m this and I’m that… so that puts me here, and this puts me there and this is my life, my identity, my destiny…

The very words used to describe us have some how managed to divide us. When we let the isms of this world control even the smallest part of our lives, we are hindering the revolution. When we create these slogans branding a certain group of people worthy, in a hope to create unity and equality, we are deepening the separation between us. 

When we concentrate on the things that make us different, we are, by default, forgetting the very thing that is going to eradicate all this hate. We revert back to our fear of the absence of our basic human desires. Because if they are different, then by logical deduction, we are different.And different adds a variable to our perspected pessimistic probability of never feeling connected, and our fears grow lines of separation disguised as fingerprints. 

Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Limit ourselves, and our love? Do we forget there is strength in numbers? We all want the same things in life… to be loved, to be accepted, to be respected, to be trusted, be able to trust, to love, accept, and respect… right? We do understand that in order to get, we have to give. That is the only way it works. We reap what we sow; some call it karma. So if we want to be accepted; accept, everyone. Don’t want judgment; don’t pass it. Want to be loved? Love first. It comes back; it has to. For all of you secretly scoffing right now, it’s called the Law of Attraction. You get what you give. It is truly that simple.  

Remember, we are all fighting the same battles. I’ll say that again… we are all fighting the same battles. They just have individualized faces and personalized names. We create a separation between each other, built around the wrong ‘what if’s’ that are rooted in fear. “What if I can’t trust her? What if he doesn’t love me, respect me, understand me?” The irony in this is that we are all asking these same questions. 

When we finally realize that we all want the same love, the same respect, the same trust, and the same acceptance, we inherently have empathy. We know how much it hurts to lack the four fundamental human desires, so why try to rob someone else of the very things we crave the most? It seems counterproductive to me. 

Remember, it’s a “you get what you give” type of universe we live in. So why would we ever put out something we don’t want coming back to us? Send out the love you want to receive, accept people because you crave acceptance, respect people because you deserve the same type of respect, and be trustworthy because you are searching for someone you can trust. 

Be the person you want to find, and they’ll find you. The people who understand their roll in creating a better world aren’t attracted to the people who don’t. Be love. When we shift our perspective from different to similar, division converts into unity, war evolves into peace, and hatred transforms into love. 

And we finally realize that we are all simply human.

Lessons

Lessons, lessons, lessons. Single file line, please. I can’t take all of you at the same time… or can I?

*Sigh*

Life is truly a beautiful catastrophe, isn’t it? Each painful event, if given enough time (and honest reflection) can become such a magnificent story. There’s a lesson to be learned there. I’ll repeat the statement without all the fluffy wording. Everything bad can become good if an adequate amount of time and honest hard work is put into it.

Events are neither good nor bad, they are simply events. It is us who determines the positivity or negativity each event will hold. Isn’t that empowering? To know that we hold the key to our own happiness? And it starts with a simple perspective shift, a mind-blowing one at that. Let me give an example…

Now, please listen to me carefully and with an open heart, because what I’m about to say isn’t necessarily politically correct. I am going to use my own personal experience, so no one can tell me I’m wrong. ;) 

When I was raped, my entire life flipped upside down, and not in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air type of way we all secretly hope for. The window I saw my world through shattered into a million irreparable pieces. Now, if I were to take those pieces and create a world around me of brokenness and hatred, I would have been choosing to let a simple event negatively affect my life, thus making the event a negative one. On the other hand, if I was to mold those broken pieces into something extraordinarily wonderful, the event would have been a catalyst for something positive, thus making it a positive event.

Now let me explain this fascinating window I now see life through. This particular event in my life was without regret, one of the most monumental experiences of my entire life. The reason for it’s importance is, as I said before, it dramatically altered the way I view life. Life isn’t meant to be survived, it’s meant to be created. I am not a victim, and I am certainly not powerless. I am the opposite. I choose how my life is going to play out, and I choose how each event within my life is going to affect me, whether it is going to be positive or negative. Meaning, each event is neutral. Now if each event is neutral, how do I explain the very real trauma I experienced when I was raped?

It wasn’t the event of rape itself; it was the fact that I could no longer hold my perspective of life as valid and true. My viewpoint no longer made sense, life no longer made sense. How could someone do such a despicable act to someone else, to me? The purity of life was gone, the idea that each person is inherently good and would never purposefully inflict pain onto someone else was lost in the broken window. How was I supposed to forgive someone like him? Someone as low as that?

This answer might not be the one you’re looking for, but it’s the one I found to be the most enlightening and life changing.

By realizing that he is a human being, just like me. He makes mistakes, just like I do. He hurts people, just like I do. And if I were to be given his life, with his mind, his body, his talents, and his weaknesses, would I have honestly done anything different?

The answer is no, I would have done the exact same thing as he did…

Talk about a big pill to swallow.

*Ahhh*

Peace, for the first time in years. Swallowing that “pill” means more than just an understanding of other humans. It means the millions of unfixable pieces of glass that lay on the floor next to my feet can be melted down and molded into a much more breath-taking window, with an even better view. It means I no longer am “a girl that was raped and overcame it.” I am a human being, with a life full of lessons ready to be learned.

When life becomes a series of lessons instead of a series of events, the value of each moment increases as the attachment to them decreases. And in those moments, there is freedom. True unyielding freedom. 

My Why

So I want everyone to think back to when they were five. The dreams you had of who you were going to be when you grew up. Michael Jordan comes to mind at least for me. Why not a great basketball player? I think because at a young age we knew the difference between being something and becoming someone. Michael Jordan was not only an incredible athlete but an incredible man. An amazing role model, on and off the court. Now take away all the extra details of who you wanted to be, and what are we left with? An idea of a legacy, a role model, an imprint left on this world. That's what we all wanted to be. Great. Now I want you to visualize going back in time to when you were five. Imagine your five year old self running up to you calling your name, saying, "who are we? Who did we become? What are we doing?" Now imagine your answer being "nobody. Nothing. We aren't doing anything." "What why not?" "Well it was just too hard." Now try explaining to your hope-filled five year old self your reasons for giving up. It doesn't feel so good does it? You know why? Because when you were five, there was no such thing as too hard. Your vision of who you were going to become had no strings attached or restrictions. It just was. So why isn't it now? I think it's easy to forget our why because it's not right in front of us. We don't see it. But imagine every time you come home from work, your five year old self is waiting at the door begging you to tell you what you've accomplished today. Because in all reality, that's exactly what happens. Every single night when you lay your head down on your pillow, you're faced with yourself. Your dreams, wishes, and goals. Don't let the fears, worries, and struggles of your everyday life defer you from becoming who you've always wanted to be. Now there's a reason I keep saying who and not what. Because what is physical but who is not.What can be taken away from you. Whocan never be taken from you. Who you are is determinate solely on you. No one else. Yes, I can't wait to own five houses, a yacht, an island, be a consultant, retire my parents, travel the world in my own private jet. Yes, those are all things that motivate me and keep me focused. But every single one of those things can be taken from me. My houses could burn down, my island could disappear, I could go bankrupt and my businesses could go under. But the only thing that can never be taken from me is who I want to become. My ideal self. That's my why. That's what I have to come home to every night when my five year old self wants to know if I'm one step closer. Let's make sure that today we can go home confidently. Knowing we gave today our 100% and are one step closer to becoming who we've always dreamed of being.

The Perfect-Feeling

Perfect is not an adjective describing feeling in the title above; perfect is a compound noun with feeling. It’s not the perfect feeling. It’s the perfect-feeling; the feeling of perfect. Not perfection; perfect. If perfect could it felt, it would be this feeling.

Have you felt it before? The perfect-feeling?

I have. And boy is it… perfect.

There is literally no other way to describe the feeling I am talking about; there is no butterflies or rapid heart rates, sweaty palms or random smiles. There is no mind lapses or gitty laughter. There is only the knowledge that at that very moment, everything is perfect. You don’t have to try to be happy or joyful, positive or content. You just are. There is no effort. You are at peace with everything going on in your mind, heart, body, and soul. You are whole.

The feeling doesn’t last longer than a couple of hours, a couple days max. But in those moments, it is… perfect. No other feeling comes close. Not excitement of surprise, laughter until your stomach hurts and eyes tear up, relief of an overwhelming stressor, joy or happiness, not even love. It’s deeper than that, deeper than love. It is every good feeling happening at the exact same moment. It is pure and untainted.

Now that you know the feeling I am talking about-whether you’ve felt it first hand or just get the idea from my description, I want you to honestly ask yourself this question…

Would you want to give that feeling up? Never feel it again (as far as you know)? Let it go; walk away from it?

I wouldn’t, and I don’t want to. Therein lies my struggle. The source of my perfect-feeling isn’t good for me, isn’t what I deserve or ultimately desire, and isn’t going to give me what I need. So by definition, it shouldn’t give me that feeling, should it? But the truth of the matter is, that it does, more than anything or anyone else. But the problem is that it has the potential of becoming toxic. So if I had my best interest in mind, I should give it up, chose to not feel whole, perfect, or effortless again. But, I don’t want to, and I don’t know how to do something I don’t want to do.

I Have A Confession

Ahhh. I have a slight confession >.< you have to promise not to judge me tho. Kay? Promise?

Okay, here it goes… ……………….. o.o 

Okay, okay…

The first and only NBA basketball game I sat and intentionally watched from beginning to end (with a small break to get food) all season was the Championship game (Heat vs. Spurs) last Thursday night D; I know, I know. I’m going to hell. D; 

There’s more… :’(

I have absolutely NO idea what this last season entailed. Who played great this season; who played horrible; which team had the best defense; which team had the worst offense; which team had the best potential but was stifled by the coach; which… anything! I would not be able to carry on an intelligent conversation about this past NBA season with anyone. Key word intelligent. I could still hold my own with any of those posers **cough** bandwagoners, girls trying to impress boys, boys trying to be men **cough**. Yeah, I said it. I wouldn’t tho! What happened to me this last year?! D;

It makes me just as anxious as not writing does. Basketball is my first love and will forever be my first love. Dancing, writing, and music all come in a close second. But basketball… there’s nothing like it. The screeching of Nike’s on the court, the swishing of the net, the bouncing of the ball, even the smell of the jerseys and buzzing of the shot clock. An empty basketball court is a sanctuary for my soul.

Welp, now that that’s out >.<

I need to write. I need to write. I need to write.

I get this strange sense of anxiety when I think about how much time has passed since I’ve let my fingers express my most inner thoughts. Since I’ve gone back to what keeps me alive, sat and took in the beauty around me. My sanctuaries. Empty basketball courts, empty dance rooms, empty stages, and empty sheets of paper.

There seems to be a gap between what I desire and what I want. I want to watch the new episode of Pretty Little Liars. I want to catch up on Dexter. I want to watch the new season of Criminal Minds… I’ll spare you the rest of my embarrassing TV show addictions. I want to online window shop. I want to play a game. I want to browse through pinterest, scroll through Facebook and Instagram (no Twitter for me. I think it’s more idiotic than fb and ig).

I desire to read more, study more, watch more documentaries, follow basketball more, dance more, and most importantly write more. Buuuut… I don’t. I always find myself wasting away the little bit of me-time I have zoning out to a senseless show, website, or game. I rarely spend thirty minutes, let alone a couple hours (like I had promised myself I would start doing) doing any of the things I desire to do.

I could sit here and give this big long philosophically sounding explanation to why I keep doing what I want and not what I desire, but it doesn’t have to be that complicated. I don’t do what I desire because I’m a coward. I’m scared of change, of becoming great, of reaching my potential… there I go with my philosophically sounding explanation. Ha. How ironic. But it’s the truth. I am too much of a coward to do the things I desire and apply myself full-heartedly to any of the things I know will make me the person I should become one day. The reasons are simple, no need for an in-depth look at my subconscious. 

Or maybe they’re not that simple. I know I’m scared, but why? Now that’s a question I can’t answer right now.